[crying in hidden]

sometimes everytime when my faith is weak. i feel like i want to have a relationship, have a boyfriend which is clearly prohibited by my religion tho.

 to be honest..
i don't get as much love as i should. that's why i wreaked it out to have a relationship . But as hard as i try,i still cannot do it. i am afraid if i loose faith in Allah. Moreover,i am always afraid to establish relationship. what if he doesn't like me ?what if i don't fit in his criteria? whether he'll like all my shortcomings? and much more.

 i want to run away from here as far as i can, when there's anyone can hear me scream. But i don't know which place to go. i am empty, truly empty. i want to take out all the sadness from this self. all this sadness very torture me. i let my self live in darkness,listen to all the loud song which is where all the lyrics fit in my condition. triying to ignore all the problems put a headset on my ear and drowning in that atmosphere. untill finally, someday. i met someone, who has the same problem as me. He is a man, he also like post hardcore same as me and even more surprising is we both broken home hahahaha. funny isn't it ? without the need to approach again, we're both fallin' love it's just because we both experience the same bad things and also liked the same things. Almost everything !! i feel comfortable when i'm always with him, i really like all the think he does. whatever it is, no. i don't like it but i'd love it, even when he's angry i feel more in love with him . Ugh !! i don't know what i'm thinking, i'm just in love with him. I don't know why i always fall in love with bad guys.  But still, as much as i love him. I still didn't want to have a relationship. 

   Once a day, i had lost touch with him. About 1 year we're not greeting each other on media social idk either it's because he's doesn't care anymore, forget about me, or no one dared to start first. But now,we meet again. hahaha i still don't believe it. In fact, he still remember my id line <3. Tbh, i'm not suppose to ask you about this, but if you read this.. can you stay here? with me ?